Happy New Year - This moment!

Happy New Year! It has been quiet over here because we got slammed with the sickness (stomach bug) and then the holidays happened. Am I right? In fact, I got another cold that took me by surprise right before the new year which left me barely with a voice on the start of 2017. I realized quickly that I talk a lot and it was humbling to start the year with more listening and an awareness of the amount that I rely on my voice. I also was oh so very grateful for the flu bug to get not just my sweet little boy, but also me. It shut everything down out of my life and gave me this sense of gratitude for each moment of life that sometimes is easy to forget. In fact, I have let the responsibilities of the week and the transition back to the grind of running to dance and school get the best of me and of course get in my head. But as I type and remember those days of pure gratitude for each moment I am quickly reminded of what I want out of my 2017. 


There is SO MUCH talk about resolutions and how we are going to start 2017 off right and how we can do better and be stronger and, and and. For me I thought I was ready for all of the hype but then 2017 happened and I felt like I missed something big. I felt like I should have wrote more in my 2017 planner for my 2017 intentions and I felt like I should be taking care of myself better with more sleep and less caffeine and no more drinks. As I mentioned I could barely talk on Sunday and Monday, not to mention Monday my husband's last day of vacation he was spent with him in the bathroom getting whatever we had a week before. Needless to say I was in survival mode and trying to heal whatever bug had taken over my throat and chest. I am thankful to say the the Young Living essential oils helped me out a lot, even when I still choose to have a little chocolate and adult drink. 

Either way, my point is this, all of the hype of starting out right can be AMAZING if you have a plan and you kick ass at it. What about if life had other plans for you and you just rolled into 2017 like it was another day? Perhaps I am not alone in this, but I just went on my merry way living and loving. And it felt good the first couple days, but now that we are in week one of January and my monkey mind has taken over I have had a few moments where I clench my jaw and stomach and think, crap I missed this opportunity. But wait, did I? Is there anything magical about a new year? Don't we truly get a new refresh each time we take a breath? Are you tracking with me? For me I love a new moon or a the start to a new month, but that doesn't mean that I am not okay if I do'nt do anything to honor this new beginning. Couldn't it be okay to just honor that each day is a gift and like the mom of my husband taught him, "your day is only as good as you make it!" 

So my friends I share this to say that regardless of how your 2017 has started, I say it doesn't matter. Good job if you are using it as leverage to change something you have always wanted to change or start doing something that makes you feel better. That is awesome and I support you. And if you didn't, may I ask you a favor? Can you join me in honoring that you are amazing right now, whether you had an afternoon coffee, forgot to wash you face, starting 10 things today but finished nothing. Please remember your choice is right now to honor the amazing YOU that exists inside of you each and every moment. I ask you this from the bottom of my heart because i know my own battles try to do x, y, and z and then, and only then can I truly love myself or be satisfied or happy. And that my friends is the farthest thing from the truth. That has hurt me in too many ways and as I type it is clear that my focus for 2017 is to LOVE LOVE LOVE. 

I will LOVE me and LOVE you and LOVE the good times and the times I am barfing in my toilet. Why? Because I am alive. In fact, in a call with my coach just last week we talked about everything being love. Yesterday, when my daughter was freaking out because her shoe was on the porch and it was frozen because it was below zero, I went and locked myself in our tiny laundry room. I kicked the garbage can and tried to breathe. I am sure it was just a bit of wheezing and a lot of face and jaw clenching. I said aloud to myself, "how and the hell is her behavior love? This is crap. It is not possible." I was stumped. So I stood their longer. I grunted a little and for sure held my breath. Until I took a breath and then another and another. I kept thing love. And eventually after about 3 or 4 minutes my shoulders soften enough for my brain to function. I remembered the love I have for her and realized that my job is to use each moment as teachable. 

So I left the laundry room and of course had a lot of words, but they were calmer. It was simply around natural consequences and that because of the drama around the cold shoe we would be late. Also, that I need her help getting stuff ready the night before so it isn't so hard getting ready in the morning. And finally, that despite that intense and not so fun few minutes, "your day is only as good as you make it!" We make better choices when we are calm and avoid going to that place where are at a zero and find our way to ten. We don't accidentally fall down the stairs or run into a wall or kick a garbage can or laundry basket. Yes? We breathe, we choose, and damn it, even if it isn't what you wanted to do or say, you move forward and you choose to be love. You choose not to beat yourself up, but show up and do what is right. It is not worth ruining the rest of a day, a week a month, or even a year. 

I will tell you as much as those minutes yesterday sucked for me as a mom, I am proud to say I came out of it with more grace than a typical morning. And as I think back to it on this extremely cold afternoon I think to myself, that was supposed to happen. That moment was my reminder to me to give myself permission to let 2017 be as it will be. Yes, I will set goals and resolutions (sankalpa in sanskrit), and do everything I can to be my best self. But the whole point in starting this website and sharing my heart is because no rules means no rules. It means each moment and day will be different and we must honor just that. So I might have another small glass of wine tonight or maybe I won't, that moment will tell me thaht. But what I do know is that my intuition and inner guide will know what to do and when I wrap everything up in love, the rest will follow.

Where are you at on this first week of 2017? Have you jumped all in? Are you struggling? Are you grounded? Are you tired? Honestly, wherever you are at, it is perfect. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. I honor you and all of your greatness. Be true to you and I ask you just one more time, be kind to you and love you up. You are WORTH IT! 

In so much love and gratitude,


Enjoy Every Minute Of It!

“They grow up so fast! Enjoy every minute of it!” How many times have you heard someone say this to a parent or to you as a parent? I would imagine it is the number one thing that people say to parents with little kids. I totally get it. The little kiddos with the sweet cheeks and the sparkling eyes are so damn cute. They are pure light and vitality. Children have innocence and joy and pure bliss written all over their expressive faces. I think on any given day we all might want a little bit more innocence in our adult lives.

Today I reflect on motherhood. Today is my daughter’s sixth birthday. I remember the day like it was yesterday; little did I know how much my life would change, my heart would change, and how much her little soul would teach me every day.

I have been blessed to mainly be home with the kids since I was laid off in 2011. These experiences in the last four plus years are a story of their own. I felt a huge pull after I was laid off to follow my dream of working in the wellness world. I became a certified personal trainer (2012) and went through an amazing yoga program to become a yoga teacher in 2013.  The past couple years I did a kettlebell training and barre training! I now teach barre and yoga and have a couple of personal training clients. However, my main job is being mommy. And that is where the next chapter of this story begins.

For the last year it has been so clear that I NEED to do more work in addition to being home with the kiddos. I believe in all of my heart that balance and finding what makes us content is different for each and every one of us. When I was working full-time I thought I wanted to be home with my daughter more. Once that became my reality my struggles with my mental-emotional self seemed to intensify. It got a little better when I was working as a personal trainer and doing part-time HR contract work. And then I had another baby (boy).  After the newness of having two kids wore off shit hit the fan. I was sad and angry and confused and so much more. Of course we had awesome moments and I did the best that I could, but I know I did NOT enjoy every minute of it. In fact I think I have written about this a few different times because let me tell you there are a lot of moments that I can barely breathe through and enjoying every minute of it is not happening. I know I am NOT alone. And this goes for anyone that is a parent...working full time, part-time or at home full-time (I can see a little head nodding with me). :)

I am now realizing that perhaps the advice of my husband to do more work outside of the house might have been the right advice a while ago. But for those of you that know me I am very stubborn. I decided that I had to find a way to dig deep and thrive being home full time. I was lucky right? I could stay in my pajamas in the morning and have an extra cup of coffee or go meet a friend at the coffee shop. I could go shopping, meal plan and go to the gym. I can actually have more time with them to play. Why would I want to go back to work? I can stay home with the kiddos when they are sick. I think you get the picture.

The answer is my soul is screaming at me to get out of the house and work. I want to live my passion. I want a break from being mommy so that when I am back I am filled with so much appreciation for the gifts that my children are to me that I can actually see them, feel them and show them. I know my sanity lies in space. I need space from this role as a mommy. I do NOT have all the answers on the work that will fill in the days when my son starts preschool soon. I am open to finding a balance between my corporate days and my wellness experience. And I know it will continue to evolve. However, the goal of obtaining health and wellness credentials was to follow my passion and to have more tools in my toolbox. And four years later my toolbox is bigger. I am sometimes so focused on what I have NOT done or how I have not been the perfect mom or my struggles that I forget to be grateful for what I have done. I know I am not alone in this regard. Maybe as you are reading this you might think of some things you have forgotten that you actually kicked ass at doing. If that is the case, give yourself a pat on the back! Feel PROUD! I know we all have done some amazing things and leaning into gratitude will only help you find more amazing things.

Outside of the gifts, the hugs, the cake and singing I am thinking a lot today about what I want to give my daughter (and my son…he thinks it is his birthday too)! I want to teach them to feel confident in their own skin. I want to teach my children to love themselves all the days. I want to teach my children to listen to their inner guide because their soul will guide them exactly where they need to be to thrive and to make a difference in the world. I want to teach my children to know it is okay to make mistakes and it is okay to not be perfect because nobody is perfect. I want to teach my children that when we make a mistake or a choice that doesn’t feel good we resolve it by saying we are sorry or doing something kind and move forward with forgiveness and grace. Move forward without shame, without the guilt we often find in that little voice that likes to scold us for not doing it perfectly. I want my children to feel so confident in their choices and their personalities that they are able to stand strong in what makes them feel good and right. I want them to be honest, brave, kind and true to themselves.  I want them to believe in themselves and life, always and forever.

So in this quite hour of the afternoon before the crazy begins I realize that if I do not feel these things in myself I will not be able to pass that along to these beautiful gifts in my life. These little people deserve a mom that acts on her intuition. They deserve a mom that loves herself despite struggling with things in life and despite that I am not perfect. I try each day to show up for me and some days are better than others.  But what I can say I have done very well is that I will NEVER give up. I owe it to them to keep going and to keep shedding some of these layers with my eating disorder stuff and parenting struggles (you know like yelling when I shouldn’t or maybe saying a bad word, etc.).  I owe it to those kids to pass on how I want them to feel by actually feeling it and living it in my own body, mind and soul.

So today I choose love, power, strength, faith, and surrender. What do you choose today? You are worthy of making a choice to bring in what you deserve. Keep asking yourself questions on why you think something or feel something and then ask yourself how you WANT to feel. You have the power to thrive and shine so so bright! Let's do this!

In love, light and gratitude,