Last week with the theme of making choices that make me "feel good" I had a lot of awareness happening in the past week. I am learning more each day how GREATLY I am impacted by the emotions of others. Although in theory I would like to allow others around me to have their feelings, those closest to me might say that I tend to get frustrated or annoyed or even angry when they are in a mood. This shows up the most with my husband and kids. I realized this a lot the past couple weeks because of the wisdom and guidance of my coach (Laura Burkey - check her out here)! She has been helping support me in this skill, among others. We cannot control the feelings or actions of others and it is not our job to change their feelings or take it on. In our chat we discussed me working on allowing and being playful with it; thus, my new nickname I am calling myself is "Allowina!" Basically, I allow others to feel and allow life to happen. This weekend I used it and would twirl around and joke around when I could feel my resistance to my kids (or hubby) having a moment where they were moving through an emotion.
Being playful and calling myself "Allowina" actually lightened the mood and helped me realize often times my frustration is simply my lack of allowing the feelings of others. Of course this isn't intentional; I think it is because I often feel like I am actually feeling the feelings of others. Have you ever seen someone get injured and feel that zing through your body where you could almost feels the pain? I bet a lot of you know exactly what I mean. It's the empathetic part in a lot of us that is sometimes stronger is some. Having empathy can be an incredible gift in connection/support for those that you love, but it can also be an enemy if aren't careful. Thus, I fully support and will nurture my new skill of allowing. "I am Allowina!"
I also realize that as the busy and hustle of the season approaches I get a little crazy in the head. My mind is all over the place and I feel like I am always ten steps behind. I feel angry and annoyed, like I am not enough, especially as a parent. Let me be clear that I know I am enough—my self-love has increased a lot in the last couple years as I have learned a lot about myself. However, in the parenting department this is HARD. I get mad fast and sometimes I even swear and of course apologize when I make a mistake. I have started to do "re-do's" with the kids to help move through the challenging and no-so-good parenting moments (another skill I have learned from my amazing coach). But to put it simply, I feel sad when I talk to my kids in a crappy tone or lose my patience. I am sad when I feel like I am not being as present, kind or as patient as I intend to be. For example, I promised a Halloween party on the weekend and then never found one because I was too tired on Friday night (as were the rest of my people). In all of this I know I also need to allow imperfection in the life of parenting and NOT be so hard on myself. When I take the approach of love and I allow the mess of the house and the morning routine and even the moments of discipline, then it all seems easier. And I find that I am more loving.
In parenting (and life) there are big wins and then moments of learning and challenge. For example, last night I was under the weather and had the kids give me a bath. This sounds funny, but the reality was I got them ready for bed fast and then took a bath while they were reading to me and playing with the water. My 3-year old son disappeared near the end and I kept asking my 6-year old daughter to check on him. He was "reading" books in his room. I got out of the bath grateful to take care of myself before 8 p.m. ensuring that I would actually go to bed (that did not happen a lot last week). Wow, I thought to myself, this is magical and definitely goes in the magical bucket of parenting. I walk out into the hall with my towel on and my son gives me the guilty look and points to me and says, "go away mommy!" Oh no, what did he do? You guessed it! He pooped in his diaper. He had on his nighttime diaper and said that he pooped because "his poop was stuck!" Yuck. God bless my husband for rescuing the moment and changing his diaper. He has been potty trained since the spring so I haven't changed a diaper for a while.
I share this story because I think it is good representation of life. It is beautiful and magical and messy. The more we focus on the magic and the blessings the happier life is. Today I am not feeling well so we are home and not running around crazy like we typically do. And instead of feel sorry for myself I find myself naturally grateful for the moments to slow down. I am grateful I am not missing work and I have the ability to actually be sick. I got a few chores done (because I suck at not being still) and that feels good. The vacuum broke during my cleaning session so I tried to fix it and failed, but I swept the carpet. Allowina won that cleaning session and the house is cleaner than it was before even if the vacuum failed me. Also, while cleaning I attempted to make elderberry syrup and the glass jar broke. Again, I must adapt and allow a shift to fix the problem. And finally, we hit up our local co-op to make this magic potion to help me feel better and when I got home I realized I forgot the ginger, a key ingredient in the drink. What in the world? Adapt again! And since I wrote this one more change of plans—the dinner that I planned to make forgot to make its way to the crockpot. Leftovers and hot dogs it is. Adapt one more time.
Thus, In writing this simple reflection of today I realize a lot of my anger or frustration in life, and in particular as a mama, has a lot to do with expectations and things never going the way I expect them. I do not have control and it makes me mad. But the more that I realize the negative impact on this perspective the more that "allowing" seems to create a lot more happiness and peace. I am hoping I can do more of this in my parenting and all areas of my life.
As for looking at last week, overall it was a great week of showing up in life, attempting to do things that made me feel good, and reflect as kindly as I could when I didn't. For example, I stayed up way too late many nights. And this week, well, I am not as on top of life as I want but I am realizing I will likely never be. Thus, my intention for the week is "I allow" or "I am Allowina!" My hope is that the rest will fall into place. I will keep getting my butt to bed in hopes to feel even better and find times for things like early-morning practice (the days I am not teaching) and more.
Each day is a gift and hands us interesting lessons. This week I ask for grace, gratitude and an ability to slowly hone in my skills to allow. I assume this will have a positive effect on my life and those I love. What direction are you headed this week? What went well last week and felt good and what didn't feel so good? Can you learn from it this week and can you give yourself just a little more grace?
I wish you a Happy Halloween and an amazing week!
Oh, and two more things to add. I was feeling so crummy last night so instead of spend the few minutes to edit my post and add pictures I allowed myself to go to bed. I guess that is a little win. I allow my Monday post to show up Tuesday. And, this morning when pouring my finished elderberry syrup in the jar I spilled a good amount and I simply laughed. I allow. It is amazing the power of intention and how it can positively impact your days and life. Namaste friends!
In love and gratitude,